The story I would have wanted to tell you had I met you yesterday

Emmanuel Gutierrez,
Is that how I say your name?
I don’t know you very well. In fact,
we just met last week.
I’ve been asked to tell you these things,
things I hold quite close…
but I guess that’s ok since you’re dead and all;

Who are you gonna tell?

So I tried to check my makeup in the
surface of the duck pond just before.
The water is really murky and there’s
all kinds of junk floating on the surface.
I didn’t want to stick around too long in case
the evil duck found me.
The whole experience was odd. Here I am,
being vain, and now I’m thinking the
duck pond is like life. It’s definitely murky in there,
all sorts of things float to the surface,
whether you want them to or not
and you don’t always get what you want of something
but at least the evil duck didn’t get you (that time).

It’s really hard to find a decent vegetarian meal
in between lecturesandtutorials,
running this way and that,
but meat doesn’t nourish me. It eats me up inside.
There’s so much guilt and anguish over the industry.
(Did you really earn that?)
So I stick to my veggies and my soy
and my carbs.

Even though sometimes at night I dream I’ve
eaten something horrific. And I wonder how that
slipped by my notice.
“Mum, did you put marshmallows in that?”

Do you know, Emmanuel —
your name is quite beautiful to say —
do you know my secret pain? I
think you could, if you were a ghost.
Maybe you can read my mind. But
I will tell you,
So
Many
People
Struggle
with Mental Illness every day. In your life
you fought for freedom and I would like
to do the same. The churning questions,
self doubt, paranoia, mind-numbing emotional pain
is nothing to be ashamed of, should be talked about
and should be on your mind
wondering
how to make this easier for others.

While I’m searching through my handbag
for lip gloss, some mother lost her son to suicide.
What are our meagre losses? They are the
losses that never should have been lost in the first place!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s